


Danger Room!

by TheCursor



Series: Phil Coulson meets Deadpool [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Deadpool (2016), Deadpool - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 17:37:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6018817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCursor/pseuds/TheCursor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil Coulson once again tries to find someone to blame for the destruction of six billion dollar Helicarrier. Also, sex with super strength is friggin' awesome.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Danger Room!

"Oh you gotta be kidding me." Phil Coulson muttered as he patted the inside of his jacket, "I literally just had it!" He growled in frustration and then kicked the gate when the final search of his pockets did not produce his official SHIELD ID. A good portion of his frustration seemed to stem from the smirk on the little girl's face. Negasonic Teenage Warhead was just such a little smart ass that Coulson couldn't bear if he was being turned away from the mansion by that little punk. If it had been Logan, with his icy glare would be preferable to this...humiliation. 

"Look, just let me in!" He shouted finally.

 Negasonic Teenage Warhead chuckled and pressed the gate button with her finger. Phil added brassiness and cruelty to the long list of reasons he hated kids. 

He was led into the front room where Professor Charles Xavier was already waiting for him with a cup of tea and a smile. "You can't have her." 

Crap, Coulson thought, he is a psychic. 

"I am but I don't need to be to read your mind, Philip." The Professor said

Coulson rolled his eyes. It seemed that matter how hard Inhumans made his life, Mutants would always fray his nerves a little more than the average super human. He opened his mouth to speak but Xavier's own lips were already in motion: 

"This place is a haven, Director Coulson," Xavier's face had a serene quality to it and it truly did put Coulson at ease. Not even the Director of SHIELD could get angry at the Mutant Mister Rogers, "We accept all mutants here and while I admit Angel's past crimes are horrific, she's as welcome to this place as anyone else with an active X-Gene." 

"What about Wade Wilson?" 

"Oh, him." Suddenly the serenity of the world's nicest man faltered a little, "Please don't mention that man in my presence."

"Well you're going to hear about him because his little quest for revenge cost America's tax payers 6 Billion and change!" He realized he was raising his voice again and that made Coulson sigh. This was a delicate dance and the truce between SHIELD and the Mutant community was always on thin ice. Sure, the other branches of the US Government could charge in and take Angel Dust at any time but Coulson had always let the Mutants handle their own affairs, it was an important part of SHIELD's overall Superhuman Strategy. He needed the X-Men on his side, especially with the Sokovia Accords so close to full approval at the UN. Having a smiling, Mutant friendly face in SHIELD's corner was the only way to help the superhuman community swallow the bitter pill that was Registration. He breathed deeply, centered himself and asked much more politely: "At least let me question the woman, she and Ajax hunted Deadpool for a year, they might have a lead on his current whereabouts." 

Professor Charles Xavier straightened in his wheel chair and looked Phil Coulson dead in the eye, "Very well, she's training in the Danger Room, with her new mentor." These were the words of an honorable man, daring to be questioned and in spite of everything that would happen next, Phil believed that Xavier truly believed them. Xavier genuinely believed that Colossus was training that crazy hussy. But immediately after Xavier's heartfelt declaration the banging started. Loud, metallic clanging that seemed to shake the whole house. Then the tremors, hard vibrations that could be felt for miles around. Finally, there was the shouting:

_"Aw yeah, right there big stud! That's what makes momma happy! Gimme some of that thick Russian steel! Yes...yes! OH GOD YES! Harder! Harder! Wreck me! Fucking wreck me, you Russian beast!"_

_"Da, you are Angel, you are dirty Angel!"_

_"OH GOD! HARDER, FUCK ME HARDER! HARDEEEE-RRRRNNNNNNGGGGGH!"_

Angel Dust's orgasm echoed through the house and then loud, ape-like grunts followed shortly afterwards as Piotr Nikolaievitch Rasputin discovered what a vagina with a super powered pelvic floor felt like. Dry wall dust and loose nails dropped onto the Professor's shoulder as the entire Xavier School for Gifted Children shifted on it's foundation thirty degrees to the left.

"Wow, you guys train hard." Coulson deadpanned.

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't read without feedback


End file.
